Rita Kestenbaum of Bellmore and Cheryl Schiffman from Merrick experienced a tragedy that is unfathomable for any parent to even imagine; their daughters were murdered. Rita and Cheryl both overcame their crippling grief by helping exactly the same type of person who killed their children.

It was February 18, 2007 and Carol Kestenbaum, a sophomore at Arizona State University, was celebrating her 20th birthday with her friend, Nicole Schiffman, a journalism student at the University of Maryland who had flown to Arizona for the occasion.

Upon returning to Carol’s apartment after an evening out, Joshua Mendel, 22, a student at another Arizona school, was lying in wait; he shot and killed both girls before turning the gun on himself. According to the police report, Carol had counseled one of her other friends not to date Joshua; he became enraged and retaliated by committing the murder suicide.

Rita and Cheryl could have gone in a million different directions. They could have retreated to their bedrooms with the doors shut and the blinds drawn. But they stayed true to what they believe in their hearts would do the most good for society, sacrificing their own emotions to do their best to ensure that another parent wouldn’t have to deal with the violent death of their child.

 Each family began a foundation in their daughter’s honor. Each foundation works with the L.I. Crisis Center. Rita and Cheryl made certain that they funded programs that are as unique as Carol and Nicole were.


The first thing I noticed when I met Rita was her necklace, a white gold lightning bolt encrusted in diamonds. “This is my daughter’s necklace,” Rita says, lovingly touching it. “I find it spiritual. Lightning and Carol are both energy and [lightning] connects Heaven to Earth. That’s mine and Carol’s relationship now,” she says. “After she died, I thought, ‘How am I going to get out of bed every morning?’ I didn’t want the grief to control me. It was almost natural for me to figure out to start my own foundation. Carol can’t make the world a better place. I will walk the walk for her,” Rita says.

Eleven months after her death, the Carol Kestenbaum Foundation (CKF) was founded. One of the programs they support is Project Morry, which provides funds for inner city children to attend sleepaway camp for the summer. Carol’s Circle was incorporated as part of Project Morry to encourage girls to share their experiences through discussion and projects that explore issues of self-worth and self-esteem. Held as a group meeting, Carols’s Circle meets twice a week during the four-week camp program. “I know that a child is going to be a healthy adult through these programs. One child at a time, we are going to make a difference,” Rita vows.

When you take a troubled person like Joshua Mandel and add to it the fact that Arizona has no gun laws, not even requiring registration, tragedy is almost inevitable. Joshua Mendel received his first gun when he was 13 years old, it was one of the weapons he carried the night he killed the girls. “His mother mailed him the guns that he used to kill Carol and Nicole,” Rita says incredulously and added that Joshua’s mother didn’t even receive so much as a ticket or citation for mailing them.

This past November, Rita was invited to a press conference by Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand and Rep. Carolyn McCarthy (D-Mineola) when they announced they were teaming up to sponsor legislation to combat gun trafficking. Rita sat in the front row during the announcement. “We have an attitude about guns that needs to be dealt with. This is about keeping children, adults, everybody, safe from guns,” Rita was quoted as saying after the event.

“When you lose your daughter, what does that mean? Your world crashes, you have no control. I’m in a club that’s bigger than it should be. There are a lot of different ways people lose their children,” Rita says sadly. “They [Carol and Nicole] had everything going for them. They would have had children. I lost my grandchildren.”

For more information go to
www.CarolKestenbaumFoundation.org

According to Rita and Cheryl there have been two confirmed attempted suicides that were stopped because of their efforts through the L.I. Crisis Center. So perhaps it can be said that the two lives that were lost have contributed to two lives that have been saved.

As the roles that both Carol and Nicole played in their family’s daily lives are gone, their parents have kept moving their foundations forward helping more people every day. There is no word listed in the dictionary for a parent who loses a child, because such a tragedy cannot be defined, but Cheryl said, “Rita and I are bound together.”