Mothers Unite to Stop Violence

Rita Kestenbaum of Bellmore and Cheryl Schiffman from Merrick experienced a tragedy that is unfathomable for any parent to even imagine; their daughters were murdered. Rita and Cheryl both overcame their crippling grief by helping exactly the same type of person who killed their children.

It was February 18, 2007 and Carol Kestenbaum, a sophomore at Arizona State University, was celebrating her 20th birthday with her friend, Nicole Schiffman, a journalism student at the University of Maryland who had flown to Arizona for the occasion.

Upon returning to Carol’s apartment after an evening out, Joshua Mendel, 22, a student at another Arizona school, was lying in wait; he shot and killed both girls before turning the gun on himself. According to the police report, Carol had counseled one of her other friends not to date Joshua; he became enraged and retaliated by committing the murder suicide.

Rita and Cheryl could have gone in a million different directions. They could have retreated to their bedrooms with the doors shut and the blinds drawn. But they stayed true to what they believe in their hearts would do the most good for society, sacrificing their own emotions to do their best to ensure that another parent wouldn’t have to deal with the violent death of their child.

 Each family began a foundation in their daughter’s honor. Each foundation works with the L.I. Crisis Center. Rita and Cheryl made certain that they funded programs that are as unique as Carol and Nicole were.

Cheryl Schiffman agreed to meet me on the third anniversary of her daughter’s death. She thought it would be cathartic to speak about Nicole that day.

“Nicole always had a smile. She always tried to see the good in people,” Cheryl says.
“After Nicole died everybody wanted to donate money,” Cheryl remembers. They decided at that time to support the RAP (Recognition and Prevention) program at North Shore LIJ, which is dedicated to the prevention of serious psychological disturbances in teenagers. The Schiffmans quickly formed their own non profit called The Nicole Schiffman Foundation (NSF) so that they could make help available to troubled youth through LOVE (Leave Out Violence), a program that works with inner city children who have witnessed and lived with violence.

NSF assisted LOVE in securing a new location and the new center is officially named The Nicole Schiffman Center for LOVE Youth. “We would like to bring LOVE to Long Island,” Cheryl says. “We’ve accomplished so much in three years and improved a lot of young lives.”

“Nicole loved to write, it was her passion. She was editor of her high school yearbook,” Cheryl says proudly. Now, their foundation awards a scholarship every year to a Kennedy High School student.

Nicole’s older sister, Lindsay, helped design the foundation’s logo of a music note and pen and created the foundation’s website.

Two weeks before Joshua Mendel murdered Carol and Nicole and killed himself, he called Tempe police headquarters to request information on checking himself into an alcohol treatment program. They dispatched an officer to his home who gave him the information. There was no follow up to his visit. “He told our officer that he was going through a breakup—he was upset but was trying to get his life back on track,” said a Tempe police sergeant.

“That’s exactly the type of kids we’re trying to help. He [Mendel] had a drinking problem and asked for help. Nobody paid attention to him,” Cheryl says.

NSF has also partnered with the L.I. Crisis Center on a Web-based project that uses videos and social media to urge teens to look for the warning signs of suicide and depression at www.LookCloserOnline.com. NSF funded the creation of the videos, and the L.I. Crisis Center paid for the social media campaign, which generated thousands of views.

Cheryl is back to work and is planning Lindsay’s upcoming wedding.

“When I get the strength I’d like to be a mentor for a young adult,” she says. “I think I could be very effective, but right now, it’s still too emotional. Friends and family help, they’re the support that gets you through your grief.”

For more information go to
www.NicoleSchiffmanFoundation.org

According to Rita and Cheryl there have been two confirmed attempted suicides that were stopped because of their efforts through the L.I. Crisis Center. So perhaps it can be said that the two lives that were lost have contributed to two lives that have been saved.

As the roles that both Carol and Nicole played in their family’s daily lives are gone, their parents have kept moving their foundations forward helping more people every day. There is no word listed in the dictionary for a parent who loses a child, because such a tragedy cannot be defined, but Cheryl said, “Rita and I are bound together.”